A couple of weeks ago, I saw a well-known national garden centre chain advertise Valentine's experiences for dogs on social media. For the princely sum of £12.50 humans could book in their pooch for an in-store sniffari, with a goodie bag at the end. The bag contained a dog toy, treats and discount vouchers. There was a free photo opportunity included as well, and a free hot drink and puppucino in the in-store cafe. While superficially this sounds like a fun idea and I am all for humans spending quality time with their dogs, I felt this package was somehow a clever marketing trick, geared towards humans rather than dogs. I am not sure a sniffari - a dog slowly exploring a wide range of scents in their environment with their nose - is a good idea in a busy shop environment. Not all dogs are comfortable having a camera pushed in their face and not all are able to settle nicely in a cafe that is crammed with shoppers while their humans enjoy a coffee and a slice of cake. While to some this Valentine's package may sound appealing, it has the potential to ignore the dog's needs and emotions.
Generally, I am not a huge fan of commercialised, manufactured celebrations. Still, as a former Roman archaeologist, I know that the origins of Valentine's Day are more sombre. Valentinus was a 3rd century AD Roman martyr but surprisingly the story of his martyrdom has little to do with lovers. It is thought that his Christian feast day on 14 February is actually a conflation with the traditional Roman fertility celebrations called Lupercalia around the same date, something the early Roman Catholic church was particularly good at.
Anyway, nowadays gift giving as a token of appreciation has become the norm among people who like, love or are otherwise fond of each other, and recently the scope of Valentine's has been widened to include (fe)male friends (Galentines/Malentines), friends in general (Palentines) and even pets (Tailentines - thank you the brilliant All on the Board!).
Many people like to get their pets a little something to celebrate and that's great. It demonstrates the close bond they have with their animals and their intent to show how much they care. But are toys and food really the best presents? What would your pet want if they could choose?
Animals are not materialistic. The accumulation of possessions doesn't mean anything to them. We can see that when we observe street dogs in other countries such as India. Physically, they have, and need, very little beyond food and shelter. What these dogs do have however is a supportive social network of other dogs and a human environment that is usually non-threatening.
So instead of toys or treats why not give your dog one of these things?
Time
Many humans who live with dogs are time-poor. They work, have families, friends, hobbies, volunteer, etc. The dog is just one of many time commitments. I believe that this is one of the root causes for many problem behaviours in dogs. If more time was spent with the dog, getting to know the dog, bonding with the dog, teaching the dog, committing to the dog, many issues could be prevented. So why not make a conscious effort to spend more time with your dog? It's one of the first things I ask new clients to do. It's an integral part of meeting a dog's needs for social contact and emotional support. Instead of spending money on a present, give time. After all, time IS money!
Understanding
If you spend more time with someone, you will get to know them better. Hopefully the result will be that you understand them better. You will get know your dog's likes and dislikes. Understanding means respecting these likes and dislikes. Maybe even adapting your expectations and lifestyle accordingly and e.g. not dragging your anxious dog to a busy cafe just because you want a coffee or meet up with friends. Understanding means being more compassionate, more thoughtful and less selfish. Not always putting your needs first. Compromising or finding solutions that are win-wins for all. As a transformational coach, I can help you with this.
An easy way to understand your dog better is to learn their language. Yes, you can learn to speak Dog! It's actually one of the most important things to do and will help you enormously with creating a bond and a safe base for your dog. Just imagine being on holiday and not speaking the language. How well would you be able to get to know and understand the locals? Not everyone speaks English and even if they do it's always advisable and polite to speak a few words of the other country's language to show you are making an effort. You have probably heard or experienced for yourself that it wins hearts and minds. It's the same with your dog!
Learning to speak Dog is like learning a foreign language. You need to learn the vocabulary and practice. Practice makes perfect! Dog is mostly body language, so learning the vocabulary is learning the signs. A great starting point for this is Lili Chin's Doggie Language. This inexpensive little book is often labelled as a children's book but it is actually so much more. Although the content is very compact it is very much to the point. The drawings are very cute but illustrate a wide range of dog body language clearly and in a way that is easy to understand. Similar body language with different meanings are explained well to avoid misunderstandings. Lili Chin is brilliant at what she does and I recommend this little book to all my new clients. It is also a great (Valentine's!) gift to the dog lover in your life!
Love
Here we return to the start. Showing our love for each other on Valentine's Day - and every day, which is a great thing. But instead of showing our love through physical gifts, which can be rather superficial, giving our time and understanding are true gifts of love. Love your dog like the best friend they are. Spend time with them. Get to know them. Have fun together. Love your dog!
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